Fun with Ubuntu - top ten next names, part 2

Fun with Ubuntu - top ten next names, part 2


Last week I gave you half of my Top Ten Names for Ubuntu releases. As a reminder, they were: 'pissy porcupine', 'bitty bat', 'virtual viper', 'talky tortoise', and (my favorite) 'kinky kangaroo'. Now here are the rest. I do this, again, as a public service to Ubuntu, which can freely use these names as it sees fit (though a brand new laptop would be a most fitting 'gift' as a show of gratitude for my creative genius). Anyway... read em and weep! Oh, and you even get a bonus release.

Zesty zebra

Fast, you say you wanted fast! This baby boots in less than 13 seconds off a regular hard drive and less than 2 seconds off a flash drive. And that's just for starters. Everything about this release is focused on the ultimate speed freak experience. From compiling apps, graphics, to disk searching, this release squeezes every nanosecond it can find out of code. Even those perennial memory hogs of Firefox and OOo have been given a makeover to make them behave like they're on steroids. Even on pedestrian single core relics, this zebra zooms.

Minty mongoose

With turnabout being fairplay, Ubuntu forks the fork done by Mint OS, and creates a slammin Live CD release. Installable on everything from USB keychains, Raid arrays, or across networks (real and virtual), this is the viral release intended to seep onto every drive it can find. Compatible with Blue Ray/HD DVDs, users can create customized ISO images to include every app from the CnR repositories, which numbers over 20,000. Having seemingly now fixed its less than stellar hardware detection woes, rumor has it even Knoppix will drop Debian and use this as its base now.

Amorous armadillo

Titled the 'love' release Ubuntu shows some to non-Gnome users by prominently integrating some of the best apps from KDE into the Gnome desktop. Most prominent are Amarok, the undisputed music player leader, K3b, Ktorrent, and even the finally usable KOffice. With significant input from LinuxChix chapters around the world, 'amorous' is feminist friendly, with more colorful themes and cuter graphics. Even the recent Linus patches to Gnome made it into this release without hassle. And if bought off Ubuntu's website, you can get a stuffed Tux doll wearing a "I Luv Ubuntu" T-shirt.

Rugged rhino

For the security conscience (and all those banks and government agencies losing laptops) this is the release even the NSA uses. Employing state-of-the-art encryption, detection, and obfuscation technology, you must have a "need to know" even to use it. Using the latest EnGarde security and ACL scripts, and the upgraded TruCrypt file system, it seamlessly makes use of the new Seagate/Hitachi encrypted hard disks. So secure, it won't even install without use of a password or finger scan (so don't ever get Alzheimer's or your fingers cut off or you're toast). This release makes security so transparently easy to use even Bruce Schneier has it on his laptop.

Gnew gnu

The ultimate Ubuntu release to date. Using the completely rewritten (in D) Linux 3.0.6 GNU Hurd influenced microkernel architecture, it becomes the OS Richard Stallman claims he meant to create. With its new modulized driver kernel loader, multi userspace file systems (including the finally accepted Reiser 5.0), this release can run on everything from embedded systems to super clusters. Tabbed the ultimate Windows killer, reports have Melinda using it on her office desktop at the Gates Foundation. And with this release, Ubuntu finally breaks 5000 on the Distrowatch HPD list (though its still second behind PCLinuxOS).

And because I was on a roll (and didn't want to waste it) a bonus release!

Pimped panther

Otherwise known as the 'spinning rims' release, it becomes the first distro given prominent screen play on BET, in a DJ Tux video. Featuring no new technology, it does come preconfigured to set the audio output for all apps to maximum volume. With virtually every app 'themable' it quickly becomes the unofficial desktop distro of Def Jam and Sony records, as well as semi-officially for the PS3. For more flava, Canonical opens a 'PimpedOut' webpage, for users to post their most extravagant home screens, and makes available the FU-RIAA bittorent extension, for music lovers downloading pleasure.

There you have it. If you have a favorite let Ubuntu know.

Category: 
End users
Tagging: 
ubuntu
humour
version names

Comments

Anonymous visitor's picture
Submitted by Anonymous visitor (not verified) on

Hey,

That was really cool. you should have waited 15 more days until April 1 to have posted it.

Geoffrey Lehr's picture

I think you have a basic misunderstanding of Feminism if you think that what feminists really want is "more colorful themes and cuter graphics." Most feminists would probably argue that that is, in fact, a very sexist remark (whether or not that's actually what most female linux users desire; somehow, I doubt that's the real problem).

Normally, I wouldn't say anything, but you are concerned about terminology and prejudice, so it seemed appropriate.

Wikipedia's got an ok article on Feminism, so take a glance, and bear in mind that feminism is fairly heterogeneous.

Anonymous visitor's picture
Submitted by Anonymous visitor (not verified) on

Gnew gnu is pretty hilarious.

Author information

Jabari Zakiya's picture

Most forwarded

Interview with Dave Mohyla, of DTIDATA

Dave Mohyla is the president and founder of dtidata.com, a hard drive recovery facility based in Tampa, Florida.

TM: Where are you based? What does your company do?
DTI Data recovery is based in South Pasadena, Florida which is a suburb of Tampa. We have been here for over 10 years. We operate a bio-metrically secured class 100 clean room where we perform hard drive recovery on all types of hard disks, from laptop hard drives to multi drive RAID systems.

Anybody up to writing good directory software?

Since the very beginning, directories (of any kind) have had a very central role in the internet. (I have recently grown fond of Free Web Directory. Even Slashdot can be considered a directory: a collection of great news and invaluable user-generated comments. As far as software is concerned, doing a quick search on Google about software directories will return the free (as in freedom) software directories like Savannah, SourceForge, Freshmeat and so on, followed by shareware and freeware sites such as FileBuzz, PCWin Download Center and All Freeware (great if you're looking for shareware and freeware, but definitely less comprehensive than their free-as-in-freedom counterparts).

Interview with Mark Shuttleworth

Mark Shuttleworth is the founder of Thawte, the first Certification Authority to sell public SSL certificates. After selling Thawte to Verisign, Mark moved on to training as an astronaut in Russia and visiting space. Once he got back he founded Ubuntu, the leading GNU/Linux distribution. He agreed on releasing a quick interview to Free Software Magazine.

Is better education the key to finding better software?

I read David Jonathon's article Anybody Up To Writing Good Directory Software? the other day, which got me thinking about software directories in general. As David mentioned, many of the software directories one finds when doing a quick google search are free as in beer, not as in freedom. But what interests me is the software directories that already exist, providing a combination of both free as in beer software, and open source software. Sites such as Freeware Downloads and Shareware Download don't advertise themselves as providing free as in liberty software, but each of them have a good selection of open source software available... if you know where to look.

Most emailed

Free Open Document label templates

If you’ve ever spent hours at work doing mailings, cursed your printer for printing outside the lines on your labels, or moaned “There has got to be a better way to do this,” here’s the solution you’ve been looking for. Working smarter, not harder! Worldlabel.com, a manufacture of labels offers Open Office / Libre Office labels templates for downloading in ODF format which will save you time, effort, and (if you want) make really cool-looking labels

Creating a user-centric site in Drupal

A little while ago, while talking in the #drupal mailing list, I showed my latest creation to one of the core developers there. His reaction was "Wow, I am always surprised what people use Drupal for". His surprise is somehow justified: I did create a site for a bunch of entertainers in Perth, a company set to use Drupal to take over the world with Entertainers.Biz.

Update: since writing this article, I have updated the system so that the whole booking process happens online. I will update the article accordingly!

So, why, why do people and companies develop free software?

More and more people are discovering free software. Many people only do so after weeks, or even months, of using it. I wonder, for example, how many Firefox users actually know how free Firefox really is—many of them realise that you can get it for free, but find it hard to believe that anybody can modify it and even redistribute it legally.

When the discovery is made, the first instinct is to ask: why do they do it? Programming is hard work. Even though most (if not all) programmers are driven by their higher-than-normal IQs and their amazing passion for solving problems, it’s still hard to understand why so many of them would donate so much of their time to creating something that they can’t really show off to anybody but their colleagues or geek friends.

Sure, anybody can buy laptops, and just program. No need to get a full-on lab or spend thousands of dollars in equipment. But... is that the full story?

Fun articles

Santa Claus - the most successful open source project

It dawned on me the other day, as I was shopping for the dozens of gifts it seems I have to buy every December, that Santa Claus is the most successful open source project in history. (Bridget @ Illiterarty would agree with that). Santa Claus is essentially a marketing development that is embodied by everyone who stuffs a sock, gives a gift, hosts a dinner or wishes Merry Christmas over the holiday season.

Most emailed

Editorial

When I first started thinking about Free Software Magazine, I was feeling enthusiastic about the dream. I had Dave, Gianluca, and Alan willing to help me, I had established members of the free software community willing to help me out, I had writers volunteering their time and energy for free, and I had a generous offer from OpenHosting for servers, all before I'd proved myself. There was a sense of excitement in the air, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could make this work.

Free Software Magazine uses Apollo project management software and CRM for its everyday activities!